Comments on: Stop apologizing for imperfections

By: Eric D. Greene

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 17:35:45 +0000

I love this post. I’ve felt this way for awhile now. Thanks for verbalizing it the way you have, and a great quote from Julia Child!
– Eric

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By: Alyson Stanfield

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:09:18 +0000

Malinda: Saying “thank you” without putting on an air of modesty or, worse, self-degradation is a learning process. But you’re absolutely right. It’s gotta be done.

Philip: I love the idea of eavesdropping! I may have to steal that. Sounds like a blog post or newsletter in itself.

Kirsty: We’d also think, “Wow! I just wasted my money on a recital that the pianist thought was way below par.” Not good.

Marion: Yes, the advantage of time would be helpful. Not always an option, but it’s nice when it’s available.

Fiona: Yes, I suppose criticism (or deflecting it before it’s even given) could be a reason for apologizing when it’s not necessary.

Walter: With time, I think you notice how people look at things very differently. We all bring our own experiences to art. So, the trick is to learn to be more Zen about it and go with the flow. I suppose this is a learned response and that a silent AARGH would be okay to let off some steam.

Jeri: Another way to look at those imperfect paintings are that the artist accepted his/her accident. “It may not have been intentional, but it’s there and it doesn’t look so bad. Besides, it’s this area over here that is more important. I’ll spend my time on it instead of worrying about that.”

Sari: Yippee! Another fan!

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By: Sari Grove

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 16:22:12 +0000

recent conversation: neighbour:” Hi! I went to your website, & I love your work!” me: “Thank you, I love my work too!” them:” When is your next show?” me:” I’m in a charity thing Oct. 22nd”…them:”send me the link…” and they’re coming!

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By: Miranda

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 16:13:00 +0000

This is great advice! All apologizing does is call attention to faults that no one else would even notice. We are our own worst critics and the smallest of mistakes can seem so obvious, but most of the time other people don’t see these things. My house isn’t always the tidiest, but I never apologize for it. It is what it is and I’m okay with that. It’s the same with art; you should never have to apologize for your work!

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By: Philip Koch

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 14:28:58 +0000

Patricia and Jeri’s comments are perfect. I have two close relatives who fit Patricia’s description and they are exhausting to be around. Jeri is right to point out the great paintings aren’t the “perfect” paintings. All of us succumb to the desire to have perfect heroes. Rembrandt, one of mine, wasn’t.

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By: jeri

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 02:47:01 +0000

Such a timely topic for me. Yesterday I returned from my first visit to the Art Institute in Chicago. I spent 3 days there and did not see all of what was offered, but came away exhausted and uplifted in my journey as an artist. I immediately noticed the “mistakes” in the master pieces, the uneven line, the slight run of paint from one area to the next, and not one of those “mistakes” marred the art or its impact of the piece. I am one who is always too focused on the details of my work to really see the impact of the overall piece, and am never satisfied or happy with the end result, constantly apologizing. Did my composition work, is there balance, etc…I see that this line is alittle uneven, this color should have been a touch brighter, etc…..well not anymore. Having seen, truly seen the pieces that were hanging in the Art Institute I know I am missing the greater point of my art by obsessing on the details. I now vow to do my best with each piece, see the “flaws” for what they truly are, a learning expericence and a very human part of the work, and to move on to the next piece stronger and a better artist for the experience.

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By: Patricia

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 23:18:40 +0000

Excellent post, Alyson. I have a friend who constantly apologizes for, well, nearly everything she does. It’s actually tedious for the rest of us to have to support her constantly.
It’s not arrogant to not apologize. It just says that you’re comfortable with, or at least able to accept the imperfections of whatever you’re sharing. And nothing we share is ever perfect.
Your readers are spot on. A simple ‘thank you’ is lovely to hear, and all that needs to be said.

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By: Walter Hawn

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:09:31 +0000

This happens: The viewer sees something I think of as faulty and *praises* it as fine, even exemplary.

Conversely, something I might have labored long and mightily over is completely unnoticed.

Is it permissible to roar “A-a-a-r-r-r-g-g-gh!” softly, within oneself, at those moments?

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By: Fiona Purdy

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 16:21:32 +0000

This is just a follow on to yesterday’s topic – criticism. It’s a way (a bad way mind you) to deflect any criticism we think MIGHT be forthcoming. If we can get in there first with an apology or put ourselves down – then we think the other person can’t, we’ve beaten them to it.

We are always so afraid to have others think badly about us . Most of the time when we are criticized it is not about us, but about the one that is doing the criticizing.

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By: Kaitlyn

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 14:11:52 +0000

I love Kirsty’s story! I’ve often told people that, when they refuse to accept a compliment to me it is as though they are insulting or questioning my judgement.

To that end, I have done my own self reflection and come to realize that the absolute best response when someone pays you a compliment, whether you personally feel it was deserving or not, is to say,
“Thank you”

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